MESSAGE 1
As bad as you have to go, you can't bring yourself to piss here.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 2
You struggle with the toilet lid, but a padlock holds it firmly in
place.  You loudly curse the imbecile who locked the toilet.  Despite
your intense need to relieve yourself, your sense of propriety
prevents you from pissing all over the closed toilet lid.
END_MESSAGE 2

MESSAGE 3
Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....................
Waves of relief flow through your body, and you feel contentment for
the first time since starting this game.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 4
Many of the guitar picks have become permantly embedded to the floor,
fastened down by some sticky, foul-smelling substance.  However, you
manage to pry some of the plastic picks off the floor.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 5
The padlock releases with a satisfying *click*, and you hasten to lift
the lid of the toilet.  Inside, you see a faded picture of Barney the
dinosaur floating in the clear water.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 6
There is a great *whoosh* as the toilet flushes.  You are very
impressed with the strength of the flush; however, you still need to
piss.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 7
There is a great *whoosh* as the toilet flushes, carrying your smelly
piss away and replacing it with clean, clear water.  Your mission is
now completed, and you have won the game.
END_MESSAGE 

MESSAGE 8
You stupidly try to walk through the closed door, but it does no good.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 9
You no longer feel the need to piss.  You have been drained dry.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 10
While attempting to relock the padlock, you break the key off in the
lock, rendering the lock useless.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 11
You do a little dance, trying to restrain your urge to piss.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 12
Your need to piss is becoming overwhelming.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 13
You really, really need to piss.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 14
You feel that if you don't piss soon, your bladder will explode.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 15
You can't go east from here!

END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 16
You have nothing to write with!
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 17
Scribble scribble...
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 18
Years of strict toilet training prevent you from pissing on the
$noun$.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 19
Don't be stupid!  You know you can't get the $noun$!
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 20
Showing a considerable lack of intelligence, you reach into the toilet
bowl to retrieve the picture of Barney.  You lose a point for this 
terrible lack of taste.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 21
Like a bad headache that won't go away, the $adjective$ $noun$ clings
to your fingers and won't let you drop it.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 22
With great pleasure you rip the picture to shreds, reducing the
irritating photo to a mass of tiny, purple confetti.  You feel much
better now.
You have gained 2 points for this intelligent action.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 23
Showing a considerable lack of intelligence, you reach into the toilet
bowl and fish around in your own stinking piss to retrieve the soiled
picture of Barney.  You lose 2 points for this terrible lack of taste.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 24
The sandwich is delicious, and like a gluttonous pig you devour the
entire thing.  Yet, as you finish the last bite, you feel an odd
twitch of dred, as if you have made a grave mistake by not saving the
sandwich for later.
Eating the sandwich has increased your need to piss.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 25
You might want to try picking the $noun$ up first.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 26
The bear pounces on the discarded sandwich and greedily wolfs it down.
He stares at you for a moment, and then belches loudly and curls up to
take a nap.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 27
The $object$ proves to be a very ineffective weapon, and the
bear mauls the shit out of you.  You have died.  Next time, try not to
be so stupid.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 28
"Hi, Bear," you say.

The bear replies, "Don't you have any manners?  Go back and flush the
toilet, you idiot!"
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 29
Removing the Sammy Hagar poster reveals a hole in the east wall.
 You are now carrying the Sammy Hagar poster.
END_MESSAGE 29

MESSAGE 30
You feel a great rumble from deep within your bladder.  Your entire
body starts to spasm and shake, and you feel as if you are about to
die.  Then suddenly your bladder explodes, spraying the room with
piss, intestines, and gore.  The walls are covered with the bloody
shrapnel that once was your digestive tract.  As you lie on the ground
in agonizing pain, you realize that you would have been better off
just peeing in your pants.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 31
You relax your muscles and let the warm fluid spread through the fabric
of your jeans.  Piss runs down your pants leg and into your shoe.  A
feeling of relief passes through you, you feel warm all over, and for
a moment you do not care that you are soiling yourself.  You pee for
over a minute.  Finally you stop.  Your pants are wet and stinking,
and you are standing in a large puddle of your own piss.  You should
be ashamed of yourself, and deep inside you feel humiliated.

There is no need for you to continue playing this game.  Next time try
a little harder to find a better solution.

END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 32
In a bold act of defiance, you unzip your pants and piss all over the
bear.  The animal stares at you in disbelieving shock as empty your
bladder on him, matting down his thick, brown fur with your stinking
urine.  You pee for over a minute and then stop, feeling releived and
pleased with yourself.  There is a long silence as the bear looks at
you, then at his wet, smelly fur, and then back to you again.  His
huge jaws open and he lets out a ferocious roar.  Before you can move
again he leaps on top of you and tears you from limb to limb.  The
room is soon filled with the gory mess that once was your body.

You have died.  Perhaps next time you will show a little more
intelligence.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 33
The thought of spraying the walls amuses you, but you are far too
civilized to actually do it.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 34
It stinks.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 35
It smells delicious.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 36
It would be foolish to attack the bear with your bare hands.  Perhaps
you should find a weapon.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 37
You suddenly feel a strong and inexplicable desire to go talk to the bear.

END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 38
You lift the phone receiver to your ear.  A voice says:

   "Dumbass!  There's a hidden passageway behind the Sammy Hagar poster!!
    Type 'get the poster' and then specify 'Sammy Hagar'!!
    Sheesh, get a clue already!  You'd better hurry up before your bladder
    explodes!"

The voice stops talking and the phone disappears in a puff of smoke.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 39
You sense that you are wasting time.  You wonder if there's something
you ought to read.

END_MESSAGE 39
   
MESSAGE 40
A telephone suddenly appears.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 41
The bear blocks the exit and refuses to let you leave.

END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 42
The angry bear pounces on you and tears you to pieces.  Bits of blood
and bone fly everywhere as the bear rips out your insides and swallows
them whole.  The bear is very hungry, and he devours most of your
body, leaving only a little bit to rot on the cold, slimey floor of
the room.

You are dead.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 43
The bear roars at you fiercely.  You begin to fear for your life.
END_MESSAGE 43

MESSAGE 44
The bear circles you hungrily, licking his chops.
END_MESSAGE 44

MESSAGE 45
The bear looks as if he might attack you at any moment.  You'd better
do something pretty quick.
END_MESSAGE 45

MESSAGE 46
It is dark as hell in here.  You can't see shit.
END_MESSAGE 46

MESSAGE 47
You don't need to shit, you need to piss.  Pay attention.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 48
Don't be so lazy.  Pick them up one at a time.
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 49
Haven't you been paying attention?  It's dark as hell in here.  How do
you expect to find a $noun$ when you can't even see your hands?
I repeat:
END_MESSAGE

MESSAGE 50
Try getting the posters one at a time.
END_MESSAGE
